It’s been a month since my last blog post and a lot of you have been reaching out to me asking when you’d hear from me again***. I sat down to write last week and my heart wasn’t in it. Frankly, I’ve been trying to deal with my anger and frustration. It’s been upsetting to me to see people out there carrying on as if the virus doesn’t exist while I’m over here taking every precaution. I find myself feeling like a kindergartener and wanting to tattle on my fellow schoolmates who aren’t listening to the teacher. “Mrs. Coyle!!!! Karen is hugging her Mom and you told me I can’t hug my Mom!!!!” I’ve had to take lots of deep breaths and remind myself that I am not the Covid-19 police. All I can do is stay in my lane, protect myself and help to “flatten the curve” and what not. So here I am, staying home, getting my groceries delivered, not going out into the world and feeling grateful as hell to live in a happy home surrounded by all of the things that we could ever need.
Speaking of having everything we need, am I the only one who’s now thinking about all of the things that we don’t really need but would really love to have? My list as of lately has included a hammock (I’m still very committed to this one), a pool, every single planter known to man, expanding my yard to be a full grown farm, painting the shutters, putting in a new front walkway, and replacing the floors in the entire house. It’s an expensive list but we’ve got the time for some serious nesting. Now I just need sponsorship for my visions!
Besides dealing with my anger and my ever-growing list of home improvements, I have been spending a lot of time being extraordinarily grateful and very present. I’ve also gone straight to elderly status over the past couple of months. We spent quite a bit of time following a Scarlet Tanager around our yard the other day, watching it flit from branch to branch and being in total awe of it’s beauty. I don’t think I’ve ever been a bird watcher until now. In fact, I thought the bird was a cardinal for quite a while until we saw it’s black wings. I also like to do what I call my daily “walk-about”, where I walk around our yard seeing what’s grown from the night before and oooh’ing and ahhh’ing over the tulips, budding rose bush and sprouting seedlings in the garden. I mean, have you ever really spent time looking into the center of a tulip? It’s pure magic. My other activities include laughing hysterically at my pups, laughing hysterically with my husband who is still tolerating my daily nonsense and is doing a great job checking me when I think it’s a good idea to build a greenhouse or wanting to buy every plant on the planet. Honestly, I’ve been treasuring this time. Sure, I miss some people and I really wish I could give hugs to my family but I have really been enjoying time without obligations and requirements of my time.
My personal hygiene isn’t what it once was but I honestly give way less F’s than I did a couple of months ago. Sweatpants and messy buns and I have become such close friends and I don’t really know how we’ll be able to be separated after all of this.
So the next time you see me out in the world (which seems like it might be years at this rate), I’ll be the one in sweatpants and a messy bun holding a tulip and as many plants in my arms as I can, trying to figure out how to have a normal conversation and missing the birds in my yard.
***this detail has been added for dramatic flare and to boost my self confidence.