Meltdowns

So the first step is admitting you have a problem, right? Well here’s (one of) mine. Social media and the news have been messing things up for me lately. I have become so consumed with both that I’ve noticed it’s started to have a very negative effect on my mental health. I’ve also been using it as a coping strategy to numb certain feelings while simultaneously working myself into a rage. Rather than sit with my feelings, I’ve been glued to my phone. Instead of diving into my fear and anxiety and sifting through it, I read news articles that create more fear and anxiety. So I’ll just be over treating myself like a child and limiting my screen time and creating rules and boundaries about how I consume. 

I had a complete meltdown last week. I’m talking yelling, sobbing, boogers flying, curse words spewing meltdown. You see, I have an “underlying health condition”. We don’t need to get into specifics because honestly it’s not important and I don’t believe in what I call “feeding the beast” which gives my disease more attention than it deserves. This is a topic for another day but I instead choose to focus on my good health and good looks. Haha! Just kidding! But seriously, the more attention I give it, the more I feel it and that just doesn’t work for me. So until last week I hadn’t seen my condition mentioned in any articles about COVID-19 that would bring me alarm and I was hopeful that since my immune system overreacts that this would actually be a benefit for me. Silver lining to an auto-immune disease? Sure, I’ll take it! 

Well guess what? If you search enough, you will eventually find what you’re looking for. So sure enough, I scroll through an article and I see my condition listed. SON OF A! Coupled with the fact that it was the day after Easter and I was so frightened by the amount of photos I saw of people not social distancing for the holiday and I was beside myself. I felt like people had given up. That they were no longer caring for themselves and their neighbors and were putting everyone at risk. Did I wish to be sharing a meal with my family for Easter? You betcha! Do I want a giant hug from my nieces right now? Absolutely. But I’m not going to because I care deeply about myself and my community and staying apart is what we need to do. So anyway, that’s when the boogers started flying. When it all amounted to too much. When I started to feel that people not following the rules were putting my health at risk. Because to me it’s simple. I stay at home for you and you stay at home for me. 

And then there’s the posts I’ve been seeing about separatism online. It might seem like funny, cute things you’re sharing but maybe you can ask yourself if it’s creating more divide between us when we need togetherness more than ever. I’ve seen a few posts recently from moms with young kids. One insinuating that people without children are just casually sitting home learning new hobbies and one that asks those of us without kids to check on those who do. And yes, I will check in on you because I can’t imagine how hard it is to be without your network of support and to be caring for your family 24 hours a day without a break. But you know what? I’ll also be checking in on my friends without children and maybe those of us who wish we were safe at home with little ones but aren’t blessed with them. And I’ll check in on my friends who live alone cause that must be a whole different kind of struggle. And I’ll make sure my friends who are unemployed, struggling small business owners, people with underlying health issues, those who are pregnant, friends who are worrying about how they’ll pay their mortgage or about the future of their careers, people who are struggling with learning new technology or working from home. I’ll check in with you all because you know what? This shit is hard. It’s hard for all of us so let’s think twice before we add more separation. And let’s think about our privilege here. It’s a privilege to have children, it’s a blessing to have a home full of food and warmth. What a gift to have family and friends to miss and that you’re longing to hold. There are lots of people out there without any of that. And there are healthcare workers sleeping in their garages or not coming home for fear of infecting their families. There are people getting paid minimum wage and putting their health on the line every.single.day. So what is my point if you’re still reading? That there is no one who is untouched by this so the best we can do is to support each other in any way that we can. Let’s reach out, let’s check in, let’s speak, post and make our decisions out of love. And yes, it is an act of love for you to STAY SAFE AT HOME.