Asking for help

I’ve been sitting on this post for a while and just haven’t carved out the time to start typing. So here I go- confessions from the heart as per usual here on ye old blog. Side note- I read a book recently that was mostly in old English and I could barely handle myself. I promise not to do that here. 

​I’m rewinding the clock a bit to tell you about my journey over the past few months. A little backstory might help you to fully comprehend the situation. 

So a couple of years ago, my husband did an elimination diet to try to figure out some health stuff and I, being the kind and amazing wife that I am (and the one who prepares most of the food in this house) participated with him. The cute thing is that when we reintroduced the food groups back in, he didn’t have any issues with them but I was not so lucky. We sat down to breakfast one morning and I was about 2 bites into some scrambled eggs, which I hadn’t had in 6 weeks, when I started to have a full blown Multiple Sclerosis/neurological situation. I had trouble getting words out, my body became numb. It scared the absolute shit out of me. And also, quite frankly, really irritated me because eggs and I had been close friends until that moment. I mean, I would eat eggs most days and in all the ways- give me a quiche, a frittata, an omelette. I want it all. But turns out, we had a toxic relationship. Eggs don’t love me like I thought they did.

So for the past 2 years, I have been avoiding eggs which let me tell you, is no easy feat. They are in so many things! Sometimes it’s just downright sad not to be able to have them. I know, I know, there are harder things in life but you try not having aioli. No fun. 

Well this past December I decided it had been long enough and I was feeling good so why not try an egg again? Besides, I was missing breakfast sandwiches like whoa. So, my honey made me a breakfast sandwich which was delicious of course BUT within an hour, I was again having a full blown Multiple Sclerosis attack. This one was a doozy and the flare up lasted for 3 weeks. During that time, I was having trouble getting up off the floor, I was losing my balance, I was having trouble recalling words, I had no feeling in one side of my body, my ribs on one side felt like they were glued together. It was the worst flare up I’ve ever had. It scared me. My body scared me. 

I’m sharing this with you, not for sympathy but more to share with you what I did during that time and the impact that it made. You see, I treated this situation differently than I ever have. You know what I did? I asked for help. I’m tearing up just writing this because it seems so simple and so idiotically easy and yet, it’s taken me 38 years earthside and 11 years into my healing journey to ASK.FOR.HELP. 

For about a week, I did what I normally would do during a flare. I sat with the symptoms, freaked out a bit, leaned on my husband for support and I waited. And when things kept getting worse, I knew I needed to call in reinforcements. I got on the phone with my nurse practitioner and I started doing what I could to reduce inflammation. I napped, I rested, I took more baths than ever before in my life. I saw my acupuncturist, I loaded up on supplements, I asked my loved ones for support. I talked to my colleagues at Oceanside Physical Therapy about ways to help my nervous system. I cancelled plans. I got dry needling. I re-watched the documentary Heal and listened to talks by the amazing Joe Dispenza (highly recommend both). 

And one of the most important things that I did was to tell you all about it. In the past I would’ve shown up and taught my classes and pretended I was fine. In an attempt to not let my disease control my life, I would’ve forged ahead and ignored my body’s screams for rest. Is that practicing what I preach? No. Is that treating myself with love and respect? No. I needed to do this differently. So I took a day off from teaching which might not seem like a big deal but it was for me. And your responses took my breath away. I was met with such kindness and warmth and it was exactly the reminder that I needed. I have such a beautiful community around me. Now all I had to do was to let all of your love and support in and that’s just what I did.

3 weeks into this intense flare, something incredible happened. I woke up on a Monday morning and I WAS FINE. Totally, completely back to normal. I’m crying again as I type this. 

So the lesson for me was and is to ask for help and to be open to actually receiving it. To trust in my body’s ability to heal and to treat myself with such relentless love and admiration that it almost feels over the top. In fact, right after I finish this, I’m going to take a bath. It’s not selfish to take care of ourselves. Our nervous systems are often screaming for it. 

Thank you for being part of my community that continues to help hold me up and support me. Even if all you sent were good thoughts, they were felt and are appreciated. And lastly I’ll say, F you eggs.